@rrubino I suggest starting with the defaults. You can then tweak them if you feel that your grass should be getting watered more or less frequently.
I agree, that's a huge challenge. It's a function of how your irrigation system was setup however, so no controller would really be able to address that.
Keep in mind that with the longer watering times, you should expect to see less frequent watering. If you look at the total water delivered by your system over the period of a few weeks, or a month, you should see that you used less or the same water overall.
The grass seems about right, but it's hard for me to comment on the others as they are a function of your vegetation. I don't have any citrus. Maybe others here can comment?
Good work sticking with it. It seems like you're figuring it out and it will ultimately pay off to do so!